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“Covic 1-9”

Written by NiMechE Press

  • April 7, 2020
  • 7
The daring virus converting every “who” to W.H.O

I have not done the flip switch challenge, I bought my crocs only when crocs went out of fashion, and I certainly love ‘Ayo’ by Simi right now because no one listens to it like that anymore. After all, I HATE TRENDS. I remember clearly that I made a promise to myself to never write anything about the corona, everyone was writing about and it actually pissed me off. It’s like the virus
appeared and flicked a magical wand and every ‘who’ started turning to ‘WHO.’


Away from human beings for a while, the virus itself is annoying. How in the world would you pop out from nowhere and start attacking people left and right? Nigga, we are still trying to fight HIV. I was even at a design hackathon trying to create a solution that will encourage young people and adolescents to combat HIV when this Corona dude started gaining popularity. And then this virus has the effrontery to not be sexually transmitted! Who the hell do you think you are Corona?
I had to double-check and ask one of my mentors who’s a Ph.D. student in the abroad if Corona is sexually transmitted, and he said it is not, as long as you can have sex from 2m away. Really?

Trending the trends though


Come to think of it, don’t you think it would have made more sense if the coronavirus is only sexually transmitted? At least that way, my grandma’s claim that it’s a punishment from God for those who sin will finally add up. Now, we have to wear masks on our noses for protection just as ‘sinners’ wear condoms on their private parts. This life is just hard!


But life is harder for people like me, full-fledged members of the God When association. Why in the world do I have to die when I’ve not enjoyed the good things in life? I am currently depressed, and so is every member of the association, including our Ibadan branch’s president. No wonder he has not even addressed us at all. But I’m not shocked, it seems that’s the new ‘style’ every president is using these days, they all said they are adherents of Bubu’s school of thought. Not like him addressing us can help though, I’m not sure of my age or if my height is really 5’8 or 5’10, but I’m damn sure a speech cannot cure a disease. But then, in hard times like this, encouraging words
from a leader can heal emotional wounds and nurture hopes in the hearts of the populace.

Although these things bother me, of recent, I’ve realized I’m actually more worried about my addiction to groundnuts.


Ehn ehn, do you remember that time Russia released 8000 lions on the streets? My very good friend was one of those who discovered it first, I swear. And he has discovered a lot more. Just last week, he said he has found out who created the coronavirus. It’s the US he says. They now released it in Wuhan to reduce China’s population you get? But he says things went out of hand and infected
other countries because ‘The Illuminati’ hijacked ‘The Corona Program’ from the US government.


Apparently, the Illuminati people are trying to reduce the world’s population.
Although these things bother me, of recent, I’ve realized I’m actually more worried about my addiction to groundnuts. It’s giving me pimples but I just can’t seem to stop eating it. I’ve finished more groundnut bottles than I have seen WhatsApp BC’s on the coronavirus.

Hey, here is the part you have to read with Enya’s -May it is- playing in the background, because we have to get motivational and Martin Luther King you out of fear. The world has faced plagues like this before in the past, the world will heal again and everything will become normal you hear?
For there is one thing I believe, just as my crush reads my WhatsApp messages and passes, this corona phase too shall pass.

By L’Bafunto

The NiMechE UI Press





7 responses to ““Covic 1-9””

  1. oluwasogo says:

    “For there is one thing I believe, just as my crush
    reads my WhatsApp messages and passes, this
    corona phase too shall pass.”…thanks writer…we believe this too shall pass and we shall all be back on the street fending for ourselves once again…

  2. Daniel says:

    lolz…don’t worry, you are not going to die…just stay safe, stay indoor and flatten the curve…we all will be fine…see you soon after Corona and stay at home…I must commend, this article of yours is commendable.

  3. Koko says:

    nice write up…. speaks a lot and funny too

  4. Swgun says:

    This is good. Keep it up

  5. Dr. Jaey says:

    Wow! This is beautiful.

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