If you came for a sports article, no vex. Sadists and savages, it’s my near-death experience, enjoy. For someone that used to jump chairs and tables competitively in secondary school, you’ll think I have a history of rough play. You couldn’t be any more wrong seeing as rough play doesn’t even do justice to the things I’ve done. We thank God for life.
It was a normal close of the day at primary school and everyone was ready to go home. The normal routine for me was to go to Dolapo’s (my tall friend) house to play till 4:00pm, join my brother at his secondary school and wait for my dad to come pick us. Today was special though. We had finally finished saving up to buy these toy catapult thingies. It promised to be exciting. The things that excite a nine-year old will shock you.
We obtained the packages and exited the school premises like spy kids. After the brisk five-minute walk to his “secret lair”, we greeted his mum, threw our bags on the chair and began our mission. The compound was grassy and everything a child would hope for. Nature was good to us and presented us with many targets. We fired at chicks and evaded the mother hen. We aimed at small insects and large birds in the sky alike. It was grossly satisfying.
I can hear the whispers of “so, where does he die?”. Keep calm, the moment is upon us. We spot this beautiful bird high up in the tree and instantly our sole aim in life was this bird. The James Bond in us was determined to make this creature of the Skyfall (I swear I dey write). We weren’t going up the tree. We were going down literally. We climbed a platform to increase our chances of hitting and as we both stood to fire, it caved in.
The small slab we stood on was wedged on the way down and waiting to give way to impending doom. We were greeted with hundreds of cockroaches, dirt and sewage. Dolapo’s hand couldn’t reach up so I didn’t even try. After minutes of screaming, I told my guy we were going to die. Despite the massive pain I was in, I didn’t cry neither was I scared of death. In my head, I had lived a good life. I was in the band, won races at inter house sports and was excelling academically. Dolapo was scared for his life and didn’t stop screaming.
Just as he gave up screaming, a face cast a shadow over us. We had finally been heard by a random stranger. Dolapo was pulled out first leaving me with a life lesson on why it pays to be tall. Dolapo’s mum bathed us, massaged us and gave us food. She was just grateful nothing terrible happened. I lied to my parents about the whole incident when she called my mum to check up on me.
I went again the next day.
PS: I never lost at jumping tables and chairs.
© Egbeyemi Bowofoluwa
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