5th of July,2020
School has always been an escape from home and now that there’s no school, I have to face the harsh reality of staying at home. There’s no place like home, they say. But in my case they’re wrong because for me, there is a place like home- hell. Sometimes, I do wish my home was some sort of reality show where I could get evicted if I messed up. Though I am messy already, I can’t get evicted at least not too soon. As I write, I feel completely useless, used and useful for something alone. And that something is not subject to my decisions; my views and protests don’t count. Even if I morphed my views into an abacus, they wouldn’t still count. Although I count all these as my normal routine, some questions still throb my mind. Why does he do all these? Can’t he satisfy himself elsewhere more noble? Will I ever live a normal life? Should I speak up? Who would believe me even if I did? Dear diary please give me a break, he is calling me again-
Lola closes the diary, hides it quickly and leaves the room. She gets to the living room and holds a muffled conversation with her dad. She soon returns to her room, brings out the diary and continues writing.
-It all started when dad lost his job and he was home most of the time. Mom was out of home most of the time too. He called me that fateful day, I was nine then. He asked me to come closer and then it happened. At first, I thought it was some sort of immunization that was to be administered by fathers, but I was wrong. It broke my immunity and innocence instead. It has continued that way up till this day. Diary, I know you are thinking why couldn’t I resist him. I tried. And at each time I tried, he ‘disciplined’ me thoroughly. Anytime mom asked him why he beat me so much, he was apt to say “spare the rod and spoil the child”. The hardest part is speaking up. Most people would just stare at me in disbelief while most would stigmatize me and spread the story around. But no worries, at least I have you to listen to me without judgement. I really wish schools could resume soon. That way I can be free for a while and pretend all is well. That way, I can get distracted with school work and activities. Right now, I am trapped.Diary, though I am not a big fan of Biology classes, I am sure fascinated about one relationship in nature-the predator prey relationship. How the predator gulps the prey’s blood without even being called to book. Similar to my case here just that I am not meant to be a prey but was turned into one. Maybe that one day will come when preys would be delivered from their predator and victims would be healed. I know there are many of us out there, I just hope we find justice and more importantly solace. I think it’s time to go to bed now. I don’t know what tomorrow holds. Goodnight my best pal-
She drops the pen, closes the diary and falls into a deep sleep as though a heavy burden was just lifted off her.
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